Thoughts at Thirty

One Year Later...

8/6/2020

So, it’s coming up to my one year wedding anniversary on the 11th August, and I thought what better way to reflect upon my first year as a married woman than to dedicate my second blog post to it?!

So, as we all know, 2020 hasn’t been the best year - plans have been cancelled, we have been furloughed, restricted and very stressed and confused, so how can this take its toll on a new marriage? Below I will share with you the main things I have learned and discovered during my short period as a married woman!

Wedding Blues Are Real!
I know that I am lucky that my wedding was in 2019 and that it hasn’t been cancelled this year, and many people will be thinking that I shouldn’t be complaining about wedding blues considering how fortunate I am- but they are a real thing! I spent over two years of my life planning our special day, and when it was all over- that’s it! The day goes SO fast; before you know it you’re waking up the morning after, wondering how it all passed you by so quickly. Confession time... I totally cried my eyes out the following morning after my wedding because it was so perfect and I didn’t want it to be over! I bet my poor husband was wondering what he had married into! Tips to beat those post wedding blues? Plan a holiday or trip away immediately after; this helped me to shift my focus towards something positive! A very wise woman also told me that she wished she had taken some time apart on her wedding day, away from her guests and family and spent it just with her husband to really take it all in - so that’s what we did! I am so glad for that piece of advice as those moments I will cherish forever.

You Will Be Pressured to Have Children
So, that’s it. You’re married. You live together. Cue the unwanted comments and pressures to immediately start procreating. It’s really easy to let it get the better of you and make you wonder whether you should be immediately trying to have a baby, but it’s so important to stick to what YOU want. Personally, my husband and I have more travelling and career goals to focus on before even considering the pitter patter of tiny feet, so I tend to just ignore it. Remember, everyone chooses different paths, and just because your best friend had a baby by her first wedding anniversary, doesn’t mean you should. Enjoy married life first and relax a little! Spend some time just you and your other half, go on date nights, book that trip! (Unless, of course, a baby is what you really want then of course go for it!)

Nothing Is Perfect
It’s so easy to look on social media and see all of these perfect couples laughing, smiling, and buying each other flowers all the time and wonder if your marriage is lacking in some way. Then you find yourself getting beyond irritated that your husband has left his dirty socks on the floor AGAIN, or that he is constantly watching football or on his phone and not paying you any attention. Why can’t my relationship be magical and perfect like the ones on Instagram? Where is that spark and excitement that we had when we first started dating? I have fallen into this trap many a time - the only good it does it causes unnecessary arguments and fall outs. It is so important to remember that INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL LIFE. Everyone shows their best bits on social media - nobody is going to want to post a picture of themselves arguing with their other halves about yet another ASOS order that has ‘mysteriously’ appeared at the house, or that they have forgotten to take the bin out in time. Those little arguments and bickers are what make you both real and familiar. Those arguments show that you are both comfortable in your own skin together and that you are happy being your worst (and best) selves around each other. That honeymoon period may be spectacular, but marriage is about the ups AND the downs, for better and for worse. Everybody has their flaws, it is just important to remember the reasons why you were married in the first place and what you love about that person.

Overall, marriage is one big learning curve. I don’t pretend to be an expert because I have been married a year; I am learning new things every day. The fact of the matter is, if you have found the right person it will make no difference whether you’ve been married a year or 50. So, celebrate those milestones, laugh and cry together and enjoy life as it comes!

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Changes in our bodies and mind: being kind to yourself during lockdown

6/14/2020

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Change can be a scary thing: it can cause all sorts of negative responses in our body which can have an impact on our mental health and wellbeing. For me, it is about embracing those changes and figuring out what makes YOU feel good, which will help you get through this period that we refer to as ‘The New Normal.’

The ‘new normal’ for me has been very different to my usual working week. A typical day as a school teacher would involve me working at one hundred miles per hour from the moment I wake up  to the moment I go to sleep. Not exactly great for my mental health. So why, now that I have slowed down, do I feel worse? Recently, my days have been full - not with my usual chaotic commitments, but with overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety. Am I doing enough? I have been sat at this laptop all day - why haven’t I got much to show for it? I wonder what everyone else on my team is doing? Should I check in? Will they be ok?

But the biggest change- the most difficult change for me and I’m sure many others- is the changes I can see in my body. Being from a bodybuilding background, I am no stranger to seeing drastic changes within my weight and appearance; my body weight has fluctuated significantly over the years, and there has always been ‘something’ to diet for - that special party, that wedding, that holiday. But lockdown leaves all that in a sort of limbo. ‘There’s no point in eating healthily or exercising - I’m not going anywhere or seeing anyone. All my special occasions have been cancelled, it’s a waste of time. I feel sad and my coping mechanism is eating food - I don’t want to look after myself and fuel my body properly.’ And sure enough, I watched my body change and get heavier.

Recently, I have been trying hard to accept these changes - I have read many books based on body positivity and intuitive eating (I have listed these below) and followed a lot of Instagram bloggers dedicated to self love and acceptance. I have also been working hard to be kinder and less critical of myself, which is important in our work and home life. And I have LOVED challenging myself in this way - and made a lot of progress since my days of dieting for bodybuilding competitions and working 7 days a week with no time off.

Now, I feel that I have found a healthy balance and routine, and wanted to share some tips for anyone who is feeling out of sorts in regards to their physical and mental health.

1. Get moving in a way that makes YOU feel good! - I have always, always been a fan of exercise, but got stuck in a rut with weight lifting after competing sucked the enjoyment out of it for me. With the gyms being closed, we need to get creative with what we can utilise. Yoga has been a lifesaver for me, not only does it release the pent up anxiety that I’m holding onto, it creates space for some ‘me’ time whilst also being good for the body.  I have also gained a new found love for HIIT workouts- high intensity interval sessions designed to get your heart rate up and those endorphins running!

2. Take some ‘me’ time! - This might seem silly since a lot of us have found ourselves with a lot more time on our hands, but actually, it is really important to set aside that time to do something you actually WANT to do. That may be going for a walk, drawing, reading that novel you’ve been meaning to pick up, trying out that new recipe - or something completely different! The world is your oyster at the minute (well-sort of!) and YOU can choose what to do with it.

3. Accept the change as inevitable - If you are like me and find it hard to accept things that you can’t control, then this one is tough! I find that I am constantly comparing myself to my former self, whether that be the way I looked a year or two ago or what I was able to do before the lockdown which I have taken for granted in the past. It’s important to reflect but also to move forward - I have accepted that I will never look the same as I did 5-10 years ago and I am ok with that now! I have accepted that everyone has experienced drastic change and that I’m not missing out or going at this alone. Focus on the now and your present goals. Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing after all.

4. Everyone is on a different journey- don’t guilt yourself! - I think it is really important to remember that we are going through a difficult time at the moment and everyone’s journey is different. If your friend has managed to start a new exercise regime, if your colleague has been sat at her laptop for 8-10 hours a day and been really productive, if your mum has managed to decorate her whole house - it doesn’t mean you should! If you don’t feel like moving or being active or productive- that DOESN’T MATTER! Use the time for you only and stop worrying about everyone else. Some days we feel like sitting in bed watching Netflix- other times we get stuff done!

Remember, the main focus of this post is that you need to do what is best for YOU.

Thank you for reading :)

Book List
The Goddess Revolution- Mel Wells
The Comparison Cure- Lucy Sheridan
Just Eat It- Laura Thomas

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Lauren Albone

Hi, I’m Lauren! I’m a full time primary school teacher in Nottingham which I am very passionate about. I am also extremely interested in everything fitness and wellness: from yoga to weightlifting, to body positivity. I have recently turned 30, and now more than ever I am on a journey to become the best possible version of myself whilst also being kind and practising self-love and acceptance.